Meanwhile, you can be a Chechen terrorist and have Russia call the US State Department because they’re worried about letting you into their country. I’ll repeat that. Russia calls the US because they are afraid to let you into Russia. Then you can go to the Caucuses, enroll in Dagestan Community College, and study Introduction to Detonation and Comparative Jihad Studies. Then you can live freely near the green fields of Harvard University, enjoy government assistance, disseminate radical jihadist tracts, and all the while not be bothered by anybody.
I can explain this. Though information about this terrorist is sketchy at this point, I will go on record with utter certainty that when they have finally combed through every particle of his life, exhaustively searched his home and scrutinized his possessions, they will not find a single tube of David Evangelista hair goop.
Ironic, because wearing backward baseball caps can really smoosh down your hair.